I'm not used to being fat. Where before I walked from my car to the office building, now I waddle. My arms used to just hang straight down. Now they swish against my protruding stomach. I used to see my feet when standing up. Now they are blocked by what looks like a bump on my body. The inside of my thighs itch from being rubbed all day long against each other. I'm exhausted after carrying my sleeping daughter up one flight of steps to her room. I sweat like a pig, for no reason. I'm tired more and hungry more (or so it seems). I'm just not used to being fat.
It's not always been this way. In college, I was skinnier than a pole. At that point in life, I needed to gain weight. It was a little ridiculous. When I got married almost 14 years ago, I gained that necessary weight to make me a bit more "normal." And then I guess, I just kept going.
See....I like sweets. I'm not talking about eating sweets here and there. I'm talking about indulging myself in sweets at every meal, in between meals, in between snacks, and as much as I can before bed. If I could eat while sleeping, I probably would! I just love food. And no, I'm not blaming anybody in my past. I know it's me. I know I have no willpower. I know what's good for me - and I know what's not. Unfortunately God made all those "nots" so yummy! I love Swiss Cake Rolls and Oatmeal Cream Pies for breakfast. Cereal's good too, but it's gotta have sugar. I love salad & vegetables (good for you!), and I love the cheese & dressings on top (not so good for you!) I know I can change. I've done it....for a little bit.
Yep. I did Weight Watchers for 6 months. It was really quite good for me. I felt better, and I lost the poundage. I paid the monthly fee, went to the meetings, and counted those points. I actually impressed my self. I didn't think I had it in me. But I really did well. Those points are a BITER....especially when you love chocolate as much as I do. I went through withdrawal....from the chocolate. I was rather irritable ~ at work mostly. Once I got past that craziness, things were much better. That sugar-free crap was starting to taste a little more normal. I wasn't craving the sweets as much, and I was losing weight. I actually reduced 2 pants sizes and 1 size in shirts.
Now, mind you, I vowed during my time in Weight Watchers that I was not going to exercise. I think I've mentioned before that me and sports/exercise are oil & vinegar ~ we don't mix well. So, in my head I wasn't going to add any type of exercise to my daily routine - - and see what happened. I lost a good 24 pounds. My goal was 25. That one little pound was INSANE to accomplish.....and right about the time it was going to happen......well.......it was the week of my vacation with the family. And yep. You guessed it - - all things WW was thrown out the window, never to be talked about again! And now, it's almost a year later. I've gained back the 24 and probably more. Not real sure, since the scale is "broke" (aka "I'm not getting on that thing if it kills me").
So - all this to say ~ I'm still not used to being fat. I waddle, grunt when I move from the couch, and notice myself wiggling & pushing my body out of the car (my grandpa does that!) I can hardly take my wedding ring off...it's starting to cut off the circulation in my finger. I'm using the first hole in my belts (and I actually busted a belt! popped right off!).
This whole fat thing has got me off-kilter. I need to do something about it. Hmmmm....maybe tomorrow. In the meantime, I'll eat a cookie and feel good about myself! LOL!
