I'm not real good with this blogging stuff. First thought was to get a lot of my creativity down on paper...uh....website and it would be a good way for me to express myself. While I find that true, I also find that typing my thoughts out takes way longer than expected. Plus I have to make the time to type....usually at night when I'm over tired and making no sense. Then my OCD personality peeks through and I have to reread and edit most of the craziness to actually feel good about hitting the "publish" button. Unfortunately it's not even that easy. I still have to think and rethink the whole "story" and type and retype it just to make it "perfect." It makes me crazy....and then I think "oh, no wonder these stories are so random and crazy!"
The past month or so, I've had some ups and downs. Lots of interesting happenings at work and keeping up with everything at home has taken its toll on me in more ways than I can explain. I'm not going into details online, of course. My blog silence has been summed up mainly with my last post - - "waiting". I've kept a lot of thoughts and feelings to myself and shared them only with close mentors and friends. And the main thing is: I've been prayin'....uh.....playin'....uh...prayin'. Hmmm. that might need some explanation.
For me, playin' refers to the comfort and peace I enjoy when I take time to play the piano. It's my prayin' time with God. Choosing the songs, playin' the chords with emphasis or lightly taking my time through the chorus; these express my thoughts and feelings about all the things going on in my life. I have no doubt the Holy Spirit is taking these songs and translating them to God (because sometimes I just don't have the words....) and God reminds me about perspective.
Perspective. Seems that I think things are important cuz they're close and now and in my face. Once I take the time to reflect, look through a different lens, let myself think of others instead of myself - - - well, I get perspective. The big picture. Visions of what could be if I'd "wait and see" what God has in store.
That's a hard thing to do. Have perspective. It requires trust, something I keep doing and not doing depending on the situation. So I guess my randomness ends with a point of trust and a lack of trust...a point of perspective and a lack of perspective....I think this is a good thing, meaning that God is working on me. Self vs. God and the practical struggle I'm facing through life. I'm glad I've chosen God in my life.
I'll take all the struggle to gain the perspective any day!
